I got a theory..... about Disney Deaths, Mufasa and the trauma of Bambi's mom

The death of Bambi's mom, and the impact of it on our childhoods and life in general, has been satirized to death. We all know how it goes. Or do we? Yeah, well, we all knows they are running away, and scary music and BOOM! and we never see Bambi's mom again. And Bambi goes around a bit looking for her and then the great stag comes out of nowhere and says: "Your mother can't be with you anymore." And.... then nothing. Do you remember the next scene? Little birds bathing and chirping and singing a happy song.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM! Well, not the birds singing, per se, but the fact that the death is never touched upon again. In comparison:

No one (that I know of) satirize  the death of Simba's father, Mufasa. Do you remember the Lion King, particularly the parts about Mufasa's death and the aftermath of it? Simba gets cornered by stampeding herd, Mufasa saves him, gets dragged down, makes it aaaalmost to safe ground hadn't it been for Scar... dies. Scar chases Simba of into the wilderness... and then they spend the rest of the movie bringing it up again, and again, and again. It might be a little subtle for some, but there are plenty of hints that the lionesses grieve, Zazu makes comments about the differences between Mufasa and Scar, and, ultimately, Simba faces the death of his father and the grief he feels, and is ultimately rewarded by his bravery for doing so. (Face it, people, facing the loss of someone and the emotions it brings up takes courage.)

My point is, we feel confused and marred by the death of Bambi's mom, but not Simba's dad, because Bambi gets no closure. Not any that we as an audience gets to partake in, at any rate. Simba gets his closure, and we as an audience gets our closure, because the issue IS addressed and we GET to feel what the characters in the movie feels. And thus, it feels better.




So how do we prevent future kids to get traumatized by Bambi and his mother's death? Try my mantra for taking care of the kids: TALK WITH THEM! Not TO them, or AT them, WITH them. Don't just sweep it under the rug, pretending it never happened. And that goes not only for dealing with Bambi's mom, but for dealing with anything that comes with being a little child in this big, scary, confusing, wondrous world.

Welcome to Project Backlog... Part 2

Ok, Iäm at it again. Let's do this.

Thursday October 10th: Thursday in Swedish? Torsdag. As in Thor's day. You know, that God of Thunder with the hammer and... That doesn't really have a brother named Loki. In Norse mythology, Thor is the son of Oden and "the earth" (the debate is still going if this is supposed to be Frigg) and Loki is the son of two giants named Farbaute (his father) and Laufey (his mother). There, now I've gotten to correct something out of the Marvel Universe, too =). Anywho.... Here's the reason why I stopped my last post. Thursday I play video games. What video game came out Thursday?  Beyond: Two Souls. And I got to play it. So I thought I'd give you my opinion on the game. Here goes:

Beyond; Two Souls is a game about a girl and her.... ghost.... spirit... whatever. We get to follow her, in flashbacks, along an non-chronological narrative. We get to see her as a CIA trainee, as a bum, as an active agent, as a little girl, as a teenager... as a lab rat.... First of all, i have to say, this game looks GORGEOUS. It is as gorgeous today as Heavy Rain looked when it came, if you take my meaning. It's well-acted, Ellen Page as Jodie is good, the girl doing the voice-acting (and mo-cap? don't know...) for little Jodie is GREAT. Willem Dafoe is always good. The others are good. It's all goood.... The story segments are mostly good as well, some of them drag a little, some are.... weird.... some are highly emotional, some feels kinda... throw-away, but not many. Then there are the game mechanics, and the story segments and how they are structured are part of that, and this is where my big beef with this game come in. The controls, just to start with the not-so-negative, are fine. They're not what the avid gamer is used to, sometimes they are a little counter-intuitive, sometimes they are not so clear, but these are things you get used to, mostly. Thinking about it, this game feels a little... point-and-click-y... and sometimes you cant see where you're supposed to click because the thing you're supposed to click isn't marked well, or the marker is white against a white/bright background, or it's out of view. I also have this little thing about Aiden, the ghost-spirit-thingy. He's used far to little. That would have been a great, interesting game-mechanic if only one remembered to use him more. They could have played around far more with that and given us gamers a far more interesting set-up. And then, there is that THING that bothers me about this game. And that game is the lack of suspense. This is the problem of a non-linear game like this. The game starts at the END. We KNOW that whatever we do to Jodie, whatever life throws at her, she'll make it. We KNOW this because if she hadn't, the game wouldn't have started. Granted, you could make the point that it's not supposed to be that kind of game, that it's not about the goal and all that. And it isn't as much the prologue that bothers me (being at the far end of the time axis), it more the decision of it being non-linear after that. You can start with the end. There are other games (and movies) that do, but if you're going to show it as a flashback, start at the beginning and follow it back to the prologue chronologically. Otherwise it just gets confusing and annoying. I kept asking myself "where am i in the story now? Is this before or after event X? Why are we here?" Sure, that might be the point. But at the same time, that makes me feel disconnected to Jodie. Why should I care about event Y when I don't know about event X? And why should I care about event X when I've already gone through event Y? In the end, what drove me to go on was curiosity about Aiden and little girl Jodie, who sometimes shone through in adult Jodie as well. I'm glad I did finish the game in the end, but still felt a sense of disconnect to Jodie. Other loose ends got tied up neatly, and i guess Jodie's loose ends got tied up to, I just didn't care as much as I wanted to. And that kind-of sums up this whole game; not as much as I WANTED TO, I wanted to love this game, and i did, just not as much as I wanted to. I wanted to love and care about Jodie and what happened to her, and i did, just not as much as i wanted to. I wanted to care about and be interested in Aiden, and I did. Just not as much as I wanted to. And the events and characters around her, too..... Don't take me wrong, this is still a really good game. The graphics are gorgeous, the acting is good, the game mechanics are ok, and when the writing, graphics, voice-acting, music and mood come together in the right way, it's fantastic. And for the most part, it does. Just not as much a as I WANTED IT TO.......

Next time Onee-chan comes visiting, I'll have her play the game in chronological order, and see if it gets even better....


I'm going to stop this weeks Project Backlog here, with ha little shout out to one of my fav internet celebrities about this game: Fraser, you stopped playing this on VideoGamesAwsome just short of some of the best segments in the game. Please, if only for yourself, play it through....

Wecome to Project Backlog....

Hi, everybody, Aniiee here.

You know that feeling you get that you were supposed to do something but you forget what that was? Yeah, i have that all the time. That is pretty much this blog. I was thinking to write in it... later.... apparently several days later, or even months.

Anyway, Project Backlog. I should probably have called my blog that.... I have TV-series, movies, books, games, recipes, life, on backlog. Since like.... 1982.... I wasn't even born then. So here's the plan: On Mondays, I will blog about whatever chatter has been going on the Swedish forum I'm most active on at the moment. Tuesdays I catch up on whatever TV I have backlogged, and make mini-reviews on them. Wednesday is Library day, so catching up on books. Thursdays I play video games. Fridays I make an effort to cook or bake. Saturdays and Sundays I try to play catch up. And seeing as today is Saturday..... Let's see how far I can get.


Monday, October 7th: Monday... Monday, Monday.... Did you know that the Swedish word for Monday is Måndag? Only spelling it with a capital M is considered wrong unless it's the first word in a sentence or the only word on a line. And just as in English it means "day of the moon, moons day". Ok, ok, sorry. I'm researching things like this for my book....  Eh... we've been talking a bit about the differences in parenting in Sweden and France (and other countries). Mostly because of a book that you could win in some contest on the forum. I followed the discussion long enough to understand the upset, because people were UPSET. I didn't really say anything, though. But here's my little analysis: In France, as far as I've understood it, they let babies cry if mom is busy/needs rest/want's to sleep. They're also OK with correcting their kids behavior physically. Doing this in Sweden... well, actually, IF a parent hit their kids, for whatever reason, and IF someone got to know, or even just suspect, that, social services is very likely to come knocking, and sometimes, even the police. Letting a baby cry itself to sleep is definitely sacrilege. That is part of why people are upset. Personally, I'm on Sweden's side in this..... So, I can't recall all we talked about week before last, but I'll have another look next Monday.

Tuesday, October 8th: Yeah, I'll just.... bother you with more fun facts about Swedish language. Did you know that Tisdag is named after Norse mythology God Tyr? Yeah, that's.... that's all I got....
               So, Tuesday, supposed to watch TV-series, only I didn't. I've started on my backlog of Bones today (Saturday), so I'll get back on you on that. Otherwise, on my backlog of TV-series I've got about 100 series that's ended, some of them a long time ago. Fraggle Rock, anyone? Childhood favorite. Now airing, I got American horror Story, Arrow, Bones, CSI, Castle, Criminal Minds, Downton Abbey, Face off, Family Guy, Homeland, How I met your mother, Law and order SVU, Agents of SHIELD, NCIS, Naruto Shippuuden, Once upon a time, Person of interest, Revolution, Sleepy Hollow, Supernatural, The Blacklist, The Originals and Top Chef on the Backlog. I wonder if I can clone myself..... or stop time or something....

Wednesday, October 9th: Wednesday in Swedish is Onsdag, or Odens (Odin's) day. You know... Thor's father? Books this week is actually comics, or A Comic. The Mass Effect Redemption. Put it out to read, haven't yet. Backlog.....

I'll post Thursday and Friday tomorrow. Unless... I get backlogged..... (I have a special reason for this, which till become evident i my next post.)

Crazy casting couch! Casting The Nightrunner series, Part 1

Sometimes, you do stupid things. Like doing your own ice cream, and then put the freezing bowl into the freezer, instead of moving the ice cream into a different container. It took 2 hours last night no get the ice cream soft enough to scoop. As I STILL didn’t move the ice cream into a new container, I’m looking at 2 hours of idly waiting for my ice cream… *sigh*

I intend to use these two hours to do a crazy casting couch. And with crazy, I mean that I will not cast actors as characters (well, that too), but characters as characters. Where, or even why, I got this idea, I don’t know. I just can’t explain it. This is part serious, part humor, but mostly serious. Only, as you can’t really cast characters that doesn’t exit as characters in other movies as characters that doesn’t exist…. Let’s just say, take it with a grain… no… truckload… of salt.

I intend to do one casting couch on each book I own, unless they are straightforward series or something. No point casting every Nancy Drew book I have. Yeah… I have those, too. I’ve been a kid.  I have over 400 books, and I will try to look at them all. First I thought I’d look at them in the same order as they stand in my book shelves, but as my immediate inspiration is The nightrunner series, I’ll just take it backwards instead. My book are sorted according to size. Largest (Tallest) book at the top left, smallest (shortest) book at the bottom right. Actually, Nightrunners is 6th from the bottom right, so I’m cheating a little. I’ll take the other 5 too, don’t worry.

Today’s exercise: The Nightrunner series, book 1: Luck in the Shadows, and book 2: Stalking Darkness.

So, I’m currently reading the Nightrunners now for the 4th time since I discovered them in, well, actually it was during the Pride in Stockholm 2012. The bookstore had Casket of souls out special for the occasion. That’s when I wanted to read it. Didn’t buy it until my birthday in March this year, so 4 times since March. So… Thank you Lynn Flewelling, for writing the best fantasy series I’ve read for the last 10 years. That it’s yaoi is just a great bonus.

So, let me run this down for everyone who hasn’t read them:

Young northerner Alec, wanderer, hunter, orphan, is thrown into Asengai’s dungeons. Exactly who Asengai is, I don’t know, but probably some lord with a holding in the North. (Don’t ask why I capitalize North. I don’t think the author did.) There, he is joined by another prisoner who doesn’t intend to stay in prison for very long. The second prisoner, later known as Seregil, who is an Aurënfaie (essentially: elf (Tolkien, not Santa)), takes Alec with him on a whim, they head down to a town called Wolde, steal a wooden coin, meet up with a friend of Seregil’s called Micum Cavish, gets ambushed, Micum parts ways with them, and Alec and Seregil goes on by boat towards the country, and it’s capital, where Seregil lives. Seregil dresses up as a woman for the passage on boat, witch… Yeah… well, fools everyone until the captain finds him with his pants down… eh… skirts up… Oh, and during this time, he’s also sick and half mad, because of that coin. Left to try to fend for them both alone, Alec manages to take them to Skala and its capital city Rhiminee (wonderful name, by the way), where he is met by the wizard and old friend of Seregil’s, Nysander, and the wizard’s apprentice, Thero. They soon get Seregil to his feet. Did I mention Alec chanced a meeting with the youngest(?) princess of Skala on the way down, and carried out a whole conversation about horses with her, without ever realizing Klia was a princess? This story could have ended right there, but… No way, we’re barely beginning. Back on his feet, Seregil installs himself and Alec at the inn The Cockerell and then, it’s back to business. Seregil is known in certain circles as “The Rhiminee Cat”. That’s who you contact when you need something done of the… shady sort. Recovering compromising letters, spying, the occasional love token delivered. All under the cover of darkness, of course. He trains Alec, and as a… graduation… he gives Alec the solo mission of burgling a house in the Noble Quarter, without telling him he’s burgling Seregil’s own home, or that Seregil will be inside, throwing a party. What a ruse…

                             Anywho, so Seregil is a lord, kin to Queen Idrilain of Skala, a nightrunner and a Watcher. The watcher are the Queens spies, thieves, advisers, whatever she needs, but they also have a greater purpose. The wizard Nysander has in his possession 2 items, one of them that cursed wooden disk, of deadly danger. He is trying to protect the items, and all the people in Skala, from a foe Seregil and Alec made themselves up in Wolde, the Plenimaran lord Mardus. Mardus intend to take possession of the 2 items, and some other, and finish the Helm of Seriamaius (did I spell that right? *shrugs*), the… death god? Of Plenimar. Necromancy and stuff. Killing a million people with a thought. Are you noticing that I’m running out of steam? Court intrigues, Seregil gets implemented, they clear his name, Alec and Klia are almost killed in a fire, stuff, secret stuff, more stuff, Seregil tells Alec that Alec is a faie, (ok, he is, because humans are called Tirfaie by the Aurënfaie, but Alec is probably (really, we get to know later) Hazadrielfaie), Alec and Seregil confess their love, bittersweet ending, fin books 1-2. (Yeah, I know. Go read the books if you want to read more.)

That’ll do for now. Let’s put a cast to this heavy-hitter.

Casting the North

The North isn’t all that character-heavy, as it were. I’m a bit torn as to put Seregil here or not, but I think I will, just because it’s where he and Alec meet. There are, of course, a handful of minor characters, but I won’t even bother with them. So the line-up stands as follows:

Alec (later known as Alec I Amasa of Kerry and Alec of Ivywell): Cloud Strife. Now here me out on this, because I know it’s a weird thought. BEFORE Cloud became the moping emo he is today (basically, before the end of FF7 and Sephiroth did that… thing…) Cloud was very much the wide-eyed optimist. Without being gullible, he took life and the world in a stride without lingering all that much on the past. While I’d argue that Alec’s “growing-up”-curve is much steeper than Cloud’s, and Cloud’s “growing-up”-curves final point is rather on the catastrophic side, somewhere mid-stories they seem rather equal. That’s why I think Cloud could pull of playing Alec in a movie. I can’t answer for his archery skills, though…

Seregil I Korit: Here’s probably the weirdest casting choice ever made: Clopin from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame. You know, that guy that tells the story in the beginning, with that epic song, and… well. Both are pretty much the high-spirited rogues, with a streak of deadly serious. Seregil has no problem going between his roles as nightrunner, watcher, lesser lord or any other that he “plays to the hilt”, and I just get the feeling that Clopin wouldn’t either. Maybe we need to shed some years from Clopin before giving him the role, Seregil being the perpetual youth.

Captain Rhal of the “Darter”: Ok, this was hard. I thought about this for four days before coming up with a solution. Admiral Hackett in Mass Effect crossed with Long John Silver in Disney’s Treasure Planet. Here’s my reasoning: If you’d cross them, they would look the part. And with shrewdness and humor of Long John Silver and the authority commanded by Hackett, this would work wonders. And as Silver was voiced by Brian Murray in English and Sven Wollter in Swedish, and Hackett was voiced by Lance Henriksen… *fangirl dreaming*.

Casting the villains

As we meet our first villains in the North, Wolde to be exact, I’ll just cast them now.

Duke Mardus of Plenimar: This Plenimaran bastard is a bit hard for me to grasp. But I see someone imposing. Like… Shan Yu, you know, the Hun leader in Disney’s Mulan. Clean him up a bit, cure him of whatever weird sickness he has in his eyes… yeah, I can see that.

Vargûl Ashnazai: Tim Curry! This was actually the first one I settled on. The first role I remember seeing him in was as the Cardinal Richelieu in The Three Musketeers from 1993 (Another Disney movie… what’s wrong with me?) and he was just so deliciously devious and creepy. He just needs to shrink a little, then he’s good to go as this Plenimaran bastard of a necromancer.

Irtuk Beshar: Female (? *nods*) corpse (?) =) Yeah, she was once a pretty woman, I think. I’m thinking ice queen like Cersei Lannister or something Nicole Kidman could pull off. For her later appearance… Nicole Kidman as a mummy, anyone?

Casting Watermead

Ok, so, Seregils friend Micum Cavish they met in the north, that’s why I opt to take Watermead before Rhiminee.

Micum Cavish:  Another very weird choice: King Triton in Disney’s The Little Mermaid. Micum is kindhearted, calm, pretty much Seregil’s opposite in temper. But still a badass warrior if need-be. King Triton is all of these, and with only three daughters to contend with instead of 7, I think he’d call it vacation. I also imagine Triton as being a red-head, like his youngest daughter, and lite Micum.

Kari Cavish: Micum’s wife. Another no-brainer. Lady Catelyn from Game of thrones. Kind, caring, strong, bunch of kids… Yeah. Perfect. She looks the part too. I’m not sure, though, whether I want Lady Catelyn or Michelle Fairley to play the part.

Becka Cavish: This feisty read-headed wannabe soldier, oldest daughter to Micum and Kari, and after having spent a couple of weeks training together, Alec’s almost-sister, should be played by Aveline in Dragon Age 2. They’re actually so much alike, although Aveline being, what, 10 years older than Becka, that I sometimes wonder if the DA2 writers didn’t read this book before creating her. Maybe it’s just me.

Elsbeth Cavish: Hello, little mouse. Ok, I doubt she’s a mouse, but she is the quiet, book-smart middle daughter of Micum and Kari. Seregil tends to spoil her with books. For this role, I cast Sophie Hatter of Miyazaki’s Howl’s moving castle (which is based on a book. Go read. It’s really good.) before she is turned into a little old lady. Quiet, a little mousy, but I’m sure she can bite back when she needs to.

Illia Cavish: This was SO HARD I needed help. So thank you all in my forum-thread at Familjeliv who came up with great suggestions! I finally settled on Kajsa Kavat (known as Brenda Brave to all you englishspeakers reading my blog). Kajsa in the short TV-movie is only four, but I think she would be great as the high-spirited, chatty 7- (or was it 6 or 8) year-old girl.

Casting the Orëska House

Nysander: I thought about this for the better part of four hours until I came up with: Liam Neeson. I think this is my love for voices shining through. I think what made me go there was Neeson’s portrayal of Ra’s al-Guhl in Batman begins, which is a complete oxymoron. Nysander is kind, compassionate and intelligent, all he has in common with Ra’s is intelligence. The other tings Ra’s is not. I think. Never saw him as such at any rate. But on the other hand, Nysander can be just as deadly, so I think it’s a good match.

Thero: Nysanders apprentice Thero is quiet, a little stuck up and he and Seregil HATES each other. Well, maybe hate is a bit harsh. They are more like... Jealous brothers, vying for their father’s attention. This is another that gives me grief. First thought: David Krumholtz, as seen as Bernard in The Santa Clause. Second thought: Antonio Banderas, if he was 20 again. Third thought: Lightning Farron in the beginning of Final Fantasy XIII. Then I gave up. So maybe all three of them, as a hybrid…

Magyana: Wynne in Dragon Age Origins. We don’t get to know much about Magyana in these two books, but my feeling of her is that she is a lady that is nice and kind and can handle herself. Like Wynne.

Ylinestra: Another ice queen, at least that’s my impression. Sure, she seems kind and compassionate and more than a femme fatale, but something was always off-putting about her to me. Like… The White Witch in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Tilda Swinton was great, but so was Barbra Kellerman. Very different from each other, but still great.

Now, I need a rest, if I can ever sleep in this clammy weather we're having. I'll take the rest later.

All respect to Lynn Flewelling, and a great "thank you". It's been a while I had this great a time reading a book. I mean no harm in this Casting couch, just some fun, and I do want people to read your books.

Thanks to these users of Familjeliv.se, for giving me ideas for casting Illia: Sticka, Stumpan83, elyse, OLilly, Juniana, and especially Toppen9 for suggesting Kajsa Kavat. 

Working on my next post... Have some yaoi while you wait...

As you may recall, we left Eldril and his band of misfortunate in the Silveroak Woods, just off the Hematite gate. Well, here's what happened next:

The Silveroak Woods stood tall and dark around the four city dwellers. Looking back now towards the Hematite Gate, they couldn’t see neither the guards nor the carriage. Everything was quiet, if there were woodland animals or birds close by, they were hiding, only the rustling of leaves could be heard over their breaths and pounding silence in their ears. A pale full moon shone down on them, its light broken by the branches of the tall trees. The play of light and shadows and the stillness lent a ghostly air to the woods. They stood in that stillness, looking at each other for a moment. Then Adomorn broke the silence.

“So, what now”, he asked. “Which way do we go?”

“Nowhere, for tonight”, suggested Elril. “It’s almost midnight, and it’s damn cold. Aylonna has the tools we need for a fire. Let’s find something to make a fire from.”

           The others agreed. They spread out, searching for fallen branches and dead underbrush, and soon, they had collected a pile enough for a fire to last them 'til morning. Aylonna passed out food and passed her water skin around, despite the other’s protests.

“So”, she said, staring into the fire. “Barring you lot being dead in the morning, Adomorn did raise a good question before. Which way do we go? South is barred from us, but that still leaves east, west and north.”

           Zanedithas, sitting opposite her with his arms around his knees, nodded.

“Well, we have woods to the north. And to the east, and to the west. So our options are into the woods, into the woods or into the woods.”

“The directions won’t matter much”, said Adomorn. “You, I and Elril will die of cold, thirst or hunger, and Aylonna will die of thirst or hunger. Or cold, if she’s lucky enough to live until winter comes in Winmath. By rights, we shouldn’t be here”, he locked eyes with Elril. “If you could only have kept your mouth shut.”

“I know”, said Elril miserably, hanging his head. “I know this is my fault. I should be here alone, you should be home in your comfortable, warm beds.”

“Yes, we should”, Adomorn shot back at him. “You should be alone, with no friends in the world to die a miserable, cold death, and the crows should be picking over your bones once you’re dead. I should take Aylonna’s knife and kill you right here and now. At least that would give us more food and water.”

           Aylonna stared at him, shocked at the hostility in Adomorn’s voice. She had pictured the three of them as being friends. Elril didn’t look up, he felt more than deserving of the berating he got. Zanedithas wouldn’t stand for it, though. He jumped to his best friend’s defense.

“You could have walked away, if it didn’t suit you”, he said. “You knew the penalty. You knew the risks. You also know that the law is totally unfair and wrong. You even said it yourself.”

“I shouldn’t be punished for sitting next to someone committing a crime. And you”, he rounded on Elril. “You shouldn’t have committed that crime in the first place! You’re so damn stubborn and such an idiot!”

           Elril cowered in his long shirt, but made no motion and spoke no word to defend himself.

“Guys”, said Aylonna quietly. “This is not helping. Let’s just get some sleep. It’ll be easier in the morning.”

“Aylonna is right”, said Zanedithas. “Let’s just sleep.”

           Adomorn turned his back to the fire and lay down to sleep, Zanedithas turned so he could see Adomorn. Right now, he didn’t trust his friend one bit. Sighing, Aylonna turned to Elril.

“Aren’t you going to lie down, to?”

                             Elril shook his head without looking up. Aylonna shrugged and lay down. For a while they twisted a bit, trying to find some comfort. Slowly they each fell into uneasy sleep, all but Elril, who sat watching the moon set in the west and the stars wheel toward home. The constellation called Nimris’ eye looked down at him, reminding him of the thing his father had once said. “They may not like our history or fairy tales, but still, they won’t change the names of the stars or the days or the months. They can’t deny all history.”

Adomorn was the first to wake next morning. He sat up and looked around. Aylonna and Zanedithas were sleeping, the fire had gone out. Elril sat huddled up staring into the ashes. Adomorn felt guilty for his outburst last night. After all, Zanedithas was right, he could have walked away. He hadn’t because he knew Elril and his father were right. No one had ever been harmed by their fairy tales, not until they were found out, sentenced and sent here. And right now, the worst that had come out of this crime was the chill he felt in his long shirt after the fire had gone out.

“Elril, I’m sorry”, he said. “I shouldn’t have said those things.”

                             Elril looked up, taking a ragged breath.

“You were right”, he said. “I should have been more careful. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“No. Your fairy tales were a good thing. Everyone in our neighborhood think so. So can you forgive me?”

                             Elril smiled slightly.

“Of course. Friends for ever, right?”

“Yes. Friends forever. Even with that lazy dandy over there,” he flicked his thumb towards Zanedithas. “Poor bastard, he must miss his duvet and his breakfast served on his bedside by now.”

           Elril grinned, misery chased away for now.

“And his warm bath and his silk slippers”, he laughed.

“And his doeskin breeches and emerald ring.”

“And his marble and obsidian chess set”, snickered Elril.

“And his leather boots and his sword and his privy”, Zanedithas voice came from across the fireplace. “Especially his privy.”

           Adomorn made a grimace.

“I so don’t want to know.”

“Well, at least you seem to have made nice”, Zanedithas rose and stretched. “I’m hungry, thirsty and cold. I’ll take a little walk to warm myself. Call me when you got the fire going again.”

           He walked off. Elril looked after him. Zanedithas was always so cheerful, so carefree. He was also handsome with that long, dark hair tumbling over his shoulders, his hazel eyes, sharp facial features, his lean, strong body. Being born a noble and raised a swordsman he had a graceful stance and assured movements, and lately, his mere presence made Elril go a little tingly. Guiltily, Elril turned back to the newly awakened fire.

Irestor woke from being buffeted in the face by a squirrel. Irritated with himself, he smoothed a strand of his long, golden hair out of his face, He shouldn’t have fallen asleep, he never had before while keeping vigil. And now one of the younglings had wandered off. Torn between keeping an eye on the group and finding the wanderer, he groaned, fished up his bow and quiver from a lower branch and cast about for the man he had lost sight of. Irestor didn’t see him, so he closed his eyes and reached out with his other senses. He became one with the tree that had lent its branches for him to rest in, felt its roots reach the rich soil and all its living beings. He could feel the other three, their anxieties and their hopes. Reaching farther he could feel the trees and the bushes around him, and the ants and the adders and the rabbits in their holes and the foxes in their dens. And there he was, the wandering city boy of human decent. Opening his eyes again, Irestor followed him, navigating the canopy as though he was born there. He hadn’t gone far before the youngling came back, at a dead run, screaming in terror at the top of his lungs. He had all right to scream, as well. After him tore a forest bear. The large, strong animal raced straight through the little encampment, scattering the friends and burning its paws on the fire. It howled. Irestor quickly climbed down from the trees and reached out to the bear with his mind. He felt another’s mind trying to do the same. The girl had magic. The bear, maddened with pain and something else that Irestor knew all too well, turned and charged the girl. Having little choice, Irestor raised his bow, sent a silent prayer to Skai, the god of the hunt, and released his grouse-fletched arrow. He hit true, the arrow embedded more than half its shaft in the bear, felling it mid-stride. He strode up to it, pulling a long dagger from his belt, and slit its throat for good measure, and to help drain the blood. Then he rounded on the four others. Locking eyes with the one the bear had chased, he said:

“You are far too reckless.” Turning to the others, he added: “And you are far too careless. You will never survive in these woods.”

Yupp... I'm back... I think...

Hi! It's been a while. Don't ask me why, it just... got like that.

So, E3 came and went. I'll tell you my thought on that in a bit. Til then, some yaoi, or at least, it will be yaoi:

”People! Come now and bear witness, in accordance to the law of Talahee! We shall today pass sentence on these four criminals! Hear and take warning from their punishment!

Elril, son of Endrin the cook of Narwhal’s Tavern, you have been accused and found guilty of falsifying history and spreading discord with tales of people who never existed. You are hereby sentenced to death by abandonment in the Silveroak woods. Adomorn, son of Thoamros the tailor, you have been accused and found guilty of involvement with a falsifier of history and for spreading his lies. You are hereby sentenced to share in your leader’s punishment. Zanedithas, son of Lord Yenand, you have been accused and found guilty of involvement with a falsifier of history and for spreading his lies. You are hereby sentenced to share in your leaders punishment. You shall go together through the Hematite Gate, carrying nothing but your long shirts, and you will never return. May the Singular have mercy upon your souls.

Aylonna, daughter of Faagah the scribress, you have been accused and found guilty of acting in affront to the Singularity by manipulating the elements, the memory of others and the will of beasts. You are hereby sentenced to exile. You will be taken to the Hematite Gate at the eves of the Silveroak woods, carrying the cothes you are now wearing and a cloak in addition, a knife no longer than your left hand from its base to the tip of its longest finger, a flint and a satchel of food. Once at the gate you may go where you will, but never set foot in a civilized city of Talahee again in 70 years. May the Singular guide your steps.”

The people milling around in the harvest market in Highville cheered. It didn’t happen often that prisoners were sentenced to death. Cheering and jeering they gathered around to watch the four unfortunate off on the first part of their sentence. Miss Faagah made her way to her daughter and with the guards permission gave her a hug and swept her own cloak around her. The captain of the guards took Aylonna’s left hand and measured out a knife. A moment later, a guard came from a tavern with a satchel of food. Accepting the food and the knife, Aylonna stepped up in the wagon that would take her and the three young men to the Silveroak Woods.

Adomorn was brought forth next. His mother disengaged from the crowd and was allowed to talk to her son. Adomorn looked first at her, then looked toward the crowd.

“He won’t come”, his mother said. “He’s angry with you.”

“I know”, he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“We told you that boy was trouble.”

                             Adomorn nodded. It was true, ever since he had made friends with Elril and Zanedithas his father had been telling him that all that would come out of it was trouble.

“Tell father that I’m sorry, and that I love him.”

                             His mother stepped back and the captain said:

“Your mother will have all that you’re carrying. Will you undress willingly?”

                             Blushing profusely, Adomorn took of his gloves, boots, socks, surcoat and trousers. Dispite the warm August day, he shivered slightly in nothing but his long shirt. The crowd jeered.

                             Zanedithas stepped up all on his own. Known as he was for good-natured mischief he was met with cheers from the young in the crowd, while most of his elders didn’t really know how to react. He didn’t bother to look for any known faces. His father wouldn’t be here, why would he? Making an elaborate bow to the crowd, Zanedithas threw of his surcoat. Then he undid his belt and handed it, along with his sword, dagger and coin purse to the captain. He pulled of his boots and socks, then his trousers. Giggling and snickering erupted among the crowd. His long shirt had bunched up and stuck, leaving his lower body bare from his navel. With another elaborate bow and a smirk Zanedithas dropped his trousers at the captains’ feet and turned to climb up in the wagon after the girl and his friend. The captain stopped him.

“No message for your family”, he asked.

“Tell him… Tell him his son never regretted his crime.”

                             Zanedithas climbed into the wagon, turned his face to the sun and closed his eyes.

                             Elril stepped up with a heavy heart. His father came toward him. Elril wished he hadn’t been there, he’d rather have carried his shame without his father seeing. Endrin embraced his son and whispered in his ear:

“Not careful enough, my boy.”

“I’m sorry, father.”

“Don’t be.”

                             Stepping back a pace, Endrin said out loud:

“You brought this upon yourself.”

                             Elril hung his head in shame, cheeks burning.

“You will always be my son”, Endrin said. “And I will always be proud of you. One day, you will come back to me.”

                             Elril met his fathers’ eyes for a moment and then he turned away and took of his clothes. His father took his coat and trousers and folded them carefully.

“Tread carefully in the woods, all of you”, Endrin said as Elril climbed up into the wagon.

                             The city guards that escorted criminals to their fate climbed up and the horses started walking. Elril looked around at his friends that he had pulled into this disaster. Guilt gnawed at his heart. He couldn’t really read Adomorn. Maybe he was angry. Zanedithas looked quite content, lapping sun where he sat, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Aylonna looked sad and a little confused.

                             The wagon turned north at the Great market and rolled out through the city gate. The road wended its way through farms and fields, over streams and rivers, towards the Great Woods. Zanedithas tried to strike up conversation, but was silenced by the guards. It was well after dark when they reached the Hematite Gate. The guards let their prisoners out.

“So”, said Zanedithas, streaching. “Here we are. At one of the gates. Do you think it leads to hell?”

“I’m sorry about this”, said Elril quietly. “It’s all my fault you’re here.”

“So it is”, smiled Zanedithas. “It is absolutely your fault that we are friends and that I stick by my friends. Who was it starting to talk to whom, again?”

“I think it was you”, said Adomorn with a slight grin.

“It was, wasn’t it”, Zanedithas replied genialy. Turning to the guards he said: “You’re not going away until we’re gone, right?”

“Right”, said one of them. “We’ll make camp here for two nights.”

“And you”, Elril asked Aylonna. “Where do you go?”

                             Aylonna looked surprised at him. She blushed slightly when she realized he was just about naked, but said:

“I don’t know. Can I come with you?”

“Why would you want that”, asked Adomorn. “Walk into the woods and certain death with us? That’s a little mad.”

“Why not? They don’t expect me to ever come home, anyway.”

“Why should we let you”, asked Zanedithas. “You’re just a girl, you’ll just make us die faster.”

                             Aylonna frowned, but then she started to think.

“I wouldn’t be so sure”, she said. “I have something you don’t.”

“Like what?”

                             Elril laughed quietly at his friend. Apparently, Zanedithas was secretly dense, or possibly just inattentive. Aylonna smiled triumphantly.

“A knife and a piece of flint. I come with you, and you sit by a cozy fire tonight.”

“Good point”, said Zanedithas. “Let’s go, through the gate.”

                             He sauntered off, Aylonna in tow. After them went Adomorn. Looking back, Elril sighed and wondered if he would ever see anything but woods again. As he walked after the others, he could swear he felt eyes other than the guards follow him.

At the top of the Hematite Gate, a shadow detached itself and started to follow the four misfortunate ones. 

Confessions of a female otaku... April 2013

Yes, yes, yes, I confess... I'm a nut. I think I've already confessed to that. I'm a project nut. I have like a million projects going on. I'm re-tagging my music library, I'm doing my 15 minute sessions, my 4 hour sessions, my "movies i should have seen that I didn't", my trophy hunting, my trope hunting, my yaoi cook book, my writing, reading, gaming, Disney comparisons... Projects that never seem to get off the ground, and if they do they get just a few inches over the ground and then just hovers there, quite uselessly. But I WILL get cracking, I promise.

Once upon a long, long time ago, in August 2012, I believe, just after starting this blog, I thought I had this pinned. I made a plan. Didn't stick to it. I suppose I don't have the discipline. I don't even blog every day. But then again, discipline. That I lack.

I have another confession to make: I'm impressionable. If I read something I tend to take on the same tone in my writing. Or if I watch certain videos, especially on a certain webpage with a number of movie critics that I really like. If I ever come into a larger sum of money, I'm pouring part of over you, guys, just so you know.

So, status update om my projects:
I HATE you, Buck-Tick! To many singles, and my music tag program doesn't recognize them, so its slow as hell. I BLAME YOU!

My 15-minute sessions are.... going.... slow, but then it's mostly just that everyday stuff, cleaning, exercising, planning of the meals and money and stuff. I get distracted, mostly bu this hellish thing called computer.

My 4-hour sessions, which is me playing video games and watching movies and TV-series, is going slow, too. I'm supposed to be playing a game, buuut, I get distracted. By OTHER GAMES! I was playing Ni no Kuni, but then ME Citadel landed, and I got distracted.

My "movies I should have seen" is a little better off, as I started, well, I did start on new years, but then I just did one for 2012. My new project is to check up all the movies that came out on a particular month. Space it out a bit. I'm working on January 1985-2009. Gotta try to catch up to April. I'm getting on that after I finished here.

Trophy hunting, didn't even start, but I will.

Trope hunting... well, I'm doing trope hunting on the Final Fantasy characters, backwards, I'll have to tell. Guess how far I got. Final Fantasy XIII. Not finished. I have Hope and Fang left. So, yeah, slow.

Yaoi cook book, I have one recipe done, I'll post it next week.

Writing.... *stares at pile of notebooks*......

Reading, I have done a lot, finished the Nightrunner series yesterday, re-read Passion, going to check my update status on Goodreads. I haven't updated that for a while.

Gaming, well, that goes hand in hand with trophy hunting, I guess.

Disney comparison project... I like this project, even f it's slow going. It's coming up here one day, I just have to finish editing and stuff. Hopefully I get to post the videos, if not... we'll see.

All in all. I'm slow. Some would argue that I spread myself to thin, but if I didn't, I would get bored. Some might argue that I got ADD, but I don't. I've checked.

Top 5 kick-ass kids in my video game library.

I seem to have top lists on my brains. I'm working on 6 different favorite Disney song top lists, top Anime intros/outros that gets stuck in my head, a handful others... and these. The top Kick-Ass people in my video game library.

So here's the criteria for this list: The have to be kick-ass, and they have to be kids. Either officially under 16 or just slightly older, or, if they have no official age, childish enough to guess they're little kids. Deciding that Final Fantasy will get its own lists (or they would probably dominate) I opted to only look at the current generation games. Two honorable mentions, that got me a little ambivalent, as they are re-released for PS3 this year.


Honorable mention 1: Rikku from Final Fantasy X. At age 15, she is rather a peppy little kid with fun gadgets like bombs, she steals your stuff when you're not looking, and she has crazy pupils in her eyes.

Honorable mention 2: Sora, from Kingdom Hearts. Oh, how I long for the re-release of this. His age is not anywhere I could find, but I'd peg him for like, 12. Some people I know call him whiny, but I'd say he's not as whiny as people say. And, hey, he's fighting with a GIANT KEY! That alone gives him a couple of points.





Ok, so here's the actual list:



5: Allegretto from Eternal Sonata. His age is not clearly stated, that I know of, but he looks and acts young enough to be a kick-ass kid, with his tag-along would-be baby brother Beat.












4: Yuki from Enchanted Arms. Slightly antagonistic would-be villain turned ally. I'm not sure of her age, either. I want to say it's stated in-game that she is 14, but this might be something I dreamed up. I also have the feeling it's stated in the booklet, but I can't seem to find it. Anywho, little girl in a cowboy hat and with a pair of guns? Can't go wrong.








3: Lymle from Star Ocean: The Last Hope. 15 year-old looking like 10, she has some serious magic in her hands. She summons a FIRE BEAST for heavens sake. She's a bit apologetic, and her English voice is.... weird .... but, hey. FIRE BEAST!












2: Hope from Final Fantasy XIII. Yes, I know. Everyone hates him. He's a whiny kid. But he has a story arch set apart from the other main characters. He starts out a scared, whiny 14-year-old kid who falls on his ass at every other turn, and he ends up a cool, collected, strong healer. I take Hopes healing over Vanille's any day. And he grows up.... rather fine.... for the next game.







1: Cooke and Mack from Lost Odyssey  I have no idea how old Cooke or Mack are, but they are cool. One of the things that make them so cool is that they are a team. If they ever set out on their own, they'd probably make it fine, once they grow a couple of inches. Mack can really dole it out if need arises, and Cooke is great with the magic.

The Yaoi Fangirl proudly presents...... another vampire.......and his family =P

"No..... not yet...... just 15 more minutes ...... the sun has barely set yet..... Ok, ok, I'm up. Daol, can't a man sleep? I mean, come on. What? Oh, Daol? Vampire deity.  Me? You know me.... Oh, you don't.... Huh? Me, I'm Ilan Restonhart, and I am a vampire.
          That is, Lord Ilan Restonhart, by the way. My father is one of the overlords. One of the 10 vampire overlords. Come to think of it, everything here is made in 10s. The 10 Vampire Overlords, the 10 people, the 10 tiers of the city, the 10 cities of Karrakite, the 10 houses of Illustra...... I blame the Illustrans..... There are even 10 members of this household. Well, counting myself, I guess there are 11 and counting the unborn.... ok, 12. So, yeah..... I'm gonna miss them. Huh? Oh, I'm leaving tonight. Pilgrimage. You don't know? Well, whenever a child of Karrakite, vampire, werewolf, magic, fairy or what have you, come of age, they are sent to The Other Place. The mages and wizards say it's another dimension, but what do I know. I'm just a kid, at the hands of destiny. I can't really deny going, now, can I? It's go or be shunned. And that would shame my father, my house and our clans. So, I'll go, like a good boy. How old? Only 40. I'm really botching up this, no? I think so.... Most vampires don't go til they're 45, but Fathers says I'm to clever to wait any longer. And the Oracle said the time is right. It's go now or miss my chance. Chance for what the Oracle didn't say.
          Why I'm going to miss my family? Wouldn't everyone miss their families when they were going away? Oh, you want to know about my family..... Well, I have a father. Lord Ewan Restonheart. He's 1/4 magic, which is why I and my brothers and sisters have permanent shadows and reflections. I had never thought of it before, but once I realized a friend of mine had to use magic to see himself in the looking glass. He said I was lucky.... where was I? Oh, right. My father. Yes, he has some magic, but not enough to make him a wizard or mage. Only enough to enhance his vampire magic. He taught me all I know. All I need to know, in my opinion. He loves to play strategy games with me. Says I'll be a good general, should the need rise. I hope it doesn't. He always has his tali at hand. Seldom sees him without Calder. Calder IS a mage. He has studied abjuration for nearly 30 years. Useful, as he keeps up spells of protection around the house. Some days I don't know what to think, though. He's only 8 years older than me.
          My mother is a..... well..... a woman..... Don't take me wrong, I love my mother. But she can be.... distant and cold. Especially toward me. Or maybe I'm just imagining that. I was her last. Or, at least I am at the moment. Who knows, she's only 210. And there is more than 40 years between me and my youngest sister. Maybe, in 6 years, she will have another. Stranger things has happened. Oh, Kadali. My mothers name's Kadali. She wanders around the house at night being airy and decides on the latest fashion trends and dotes on her oldest sons pregnant wife. When she's not doting on Iona. Iona is her lover. If I ever wondered what my father is doing with Calder, the same must be said for Iona. What does my mother see in an 18 year old human? I hope I will never know.
           I have siblings, too. Older as you might have gathered. Aila and Chaney were womb mates. I wonder if they fought as much inside our mothers womb as they do outside it. I wonder if they ever got along. Aila is that sort, though, so antagonistic. Everything anyone does to her is a challenge or an insult. It must be hard, thinking that about everyone you ever meet. I can swear, when I was a kid, I saw her drink someone until he died.I get the feeling sometimes  that my sister is very..... thorough. Chaney is easier. He's always smiling. Especially now, I suppose. Then there is Naoki. He's a warrior. Father says that is because he was a disappointment at his pilgrimage. Father doesn't care, but apparently Naoki does. Naoki wants to prove himself. Unfortunately, Aila has him under her thumb. She is a warrior too, so she's training him. And I see his smile disappear... Umeki is a wonderful sister. She always laughs with me. Mother says she will never grow up. She'll never be a proper lady. I hope not. We always used to run around this house, with her mischief  We exchanged the chicken eggs with dragon eggs once. That was a fun breakfast. I never laughed so hard. Hiding the obsidian chess pieces was not so fun. Father was furious for days when he couldn't find them, and when we finally confessed, he was so angry he locked us both in our rooms and threatened to flog us if we stirred. He didn't flog us, though. But he did give us a long, hard lesson in atui, Karrakite honor. After that, whenever I think about what would have happened if it was some other Vampire Lord's chess pieces.....
          The last two members of our household is my mother's sister and brother. I hardly know them, they only just came here a week ago, and I have been busy planning my pilgrimage. But I will get to know them, when I come back. I wonder how That Other Place is. No one will tell me. That's part of the challenge  But the Oracle said I would find something there, a gift or unfortold wealth. Something important that I could bring back here. I'm nervous. Dotes' bloody eyes, I'm scared....."

Easter musings...... and, of course, digtizing my writing, part 4

Easter..... one of the million holidays in this country. I hate Easter. No, wait, I don't. But I hate spring. Allergies.

So, during Easter i have been reading up on one of favorite forums, and I did notice that little Swedish VK star YOHIO causes a debate. Or something. Some people doesn't want him in public because they think Japan in a perverted country and manga is all about sex. What that has to do with Yohio, I don't know, but those people made that leap. Also in "social networks news", people wants dog, but doesn't want to work with their dogs. People, if you want dogs, be prepared to work with them. If you don't want to go for walks and play with them and do at least basic TLC, get yourselves some stick animals. Or better yet, a tamagouchi.

Catching up on gaming during the week, I noticed Assassin's Creed 4 had a release date. I have hopes for AC4, I didn't like 3, really. I managed to get through it, but it took some time. 4 looked really cool on the trailer. But then again, I've loved pirates since I first saw Treasure Island from the early nineties (I was, like.... younger than 10, anyway) with Christian Bale (who was NOT growling ;) and Charlton Heston. Dragon Age 3, Lightning Returns, Mass Effect 4 was in the list, but no release dates. Is ME4 really a given? Have they really promised? I'm a liiittle apprehensive, somehow I just want it to be over.

Talking about Mass Effect, I played Citadel last week. A little late in the game, I know, but I was waiting for money. I really liked it. Though, I got it waaaaaay to fast. Maybe because I think like they seem to over there. I felt a little like I could have written it myself. So my dear adept Thomas Michael Shepard got to have some more romance with Kaidan. I didn't know Kaidan could cook. But at the same time I wasn't surprised. It was really sweet =).

I've also gotten myself a whole bunch of new books. These, to be exact.

Black Butler Vol 3. Yeah, I'm waaaaaaay behind. I've read them, all that has been published, I just haven bought them til, well, now. Love Grell, btw... why do they spell it Grelle? In the anime it's Grell....











Glimpses. Oh, I love this. Thank you, Lynn Flewelling. I don't even know how to write fanfiction on the Nightrunner Series. But I WILL! BY ILLIOR, I WILL! Onee-chan, you HAVE to read the Nightrunner Series. But don't start with this (here be spoilers...). One shouldn't read this until after book 2.... this is a tie-in.







Mass Effect: Redemption. I have to read this. I read Invasion. (Yeah, ME3 CE). I liked it. They all look a bit... off, though. But, I'm getting on this tonight.










The Betrayal Knows My Name vol 5.... or rather, vol 9-10. Double feature. Did Sairi and Lia show up in the anime. I want to say no. I have been trying to watch the anime last few days, but.... my ps3 doesn't want to run them. Working on it.









Stalking Darkness. Book 2 in Nightrunners. I love Seregil..... I just do....... And yes, I wept.










Traitor's Moon. Book 3 in Nightrunners. This was.... interesting.  And a bit slow. Like the Iia'sidra. It felt really transitional, but maybe that was the point. If you know about the newt two books, it is a good way to set those up. Throw-away comments becomes important messages.








Casket of souls. Book 6 of the 4 Nightrunner books. According to the bookstore i bought them in. For some reason, they missed the two books between Traitor's and Casket. So I actually started reading this, and it didn't take many pages until i realized something was wrong. Had the author forgotten to write a book? Was there another tie-in with shorts, like Glimpses? 4 SECONDS of googleing, I got to know it was all the bookstores fault. So, now i have to wait a week to get to know more. And I HATE waiting.....





Assassin's Creed Forsaken. Yeah, I hear you. Why buy the book whan you didn't like the game? Because I'm a perfectionist. In some respects. When it comes to books. If I have bought all the other books, I have to buy this, as well... I will read it. Once I have read the other 4 AC books....





So that is this months book load.



I'm a project nut. I do everything in projects. Now, I have a project where I'm going to compare my favorite Disney songs, English to Swedish  I got this idea when watching my favorite internet critics. I started to think just how much impact voice acting have. Like how grating Snow White's voice is in English  but not in Swedish  On the other hand, Snow White sounds much more adult in Swedish. We'll see how that goes.

Now, without further ado, some yaoi fanfiction.....


Junjou Romantica Fanfiction (very, very far removed, you might even argue I just nicked the names.)

”Tadaima!” Misaki called when he came into his and his big brother's apartment.

          He froze on the threshold. In his and his big brother Nowaki’s apartment was a third man Misaki didn't know. This was a young man maybe five years older than himself two years older than Nowaki. He was wearing leisure clothes, his hair was dark brown and when he looked at Misaki, Misaki saw that his eyes were also brown. This stranger was not only in their room he was sitting on Nowaki's bed. In Nowaki's arms.

"Okaeri, Misaki-kun",  said Nowaki with a smile at Misaki.

          The other man rested his head on Nowaki's shoulder and looked curiously at Misaki. Misaki's face betrayed shock. For a moment Misaki felt the heat of anger and hate not only towards this man he didn't know but also and more so at Nowaki. For a moment Misaki hated big brother with all the passion a 15-year-old boy can muster. He turned around and slammed the door behind him.

Misaki called Nowaki after him.

          He freed himself from his friend and followed after his little brother.

"Misaki", he called as he raced after Misaki through the school housing corridors. "Misaki, wait", Nowaki grabbed Misaki arm.

         Misaki made a full turn and pushed hard at Nowaki sending him backwards down on the floor. He panted heavily.

"It's not fair", he shouted. "I don't want you to die! I don't want to be alone!"

                             Misaki hung his head Nowaki could see the tears streaming down his cheeks he got slowly to his feet his mind working furiously to understand what Misaki meant. 
"Misaki-chan", he said slowly. "What do you have in that messy head of yours?"
"Bad things happen to people who are like that", cried Misaki, desperation in his voice. "I don't want bad things to happen to the only family I have left!"
          It dawned on Nowaki what his little brother meant. One week-end when Misaki was 9, Nowaki 12, their parents had gone to visit with the boys uncle. Misaki, who had been battling leukemia at the time, had had a bad week, and begged them to stay home. But Mom and Dad had decided to go anyway, as it was their last chance to visit before uncle left for Europe with his partner. "We'll be back on Sunday", they promised. "It's ok, Miskai-kun. Nowaki takes care of you, and we'll be home on Sunday." They never came back. Saturday night they had been n a car accident. The crash had been caused by the driver in the other car, a man in his thirties. Beside the driver sat his male partner. All six persons in both cars had died instantly. Misaki and Nowaki had been alone and unaware till wednesday, when Nowaki's teacher came with social workers and police in tow.
          Nowaki shook his head. 
"Misaki", he said. "Come on. Let's go home and talk."
          He took Misaki's arm and led him through the staring, curious students. There were always witnesses to everything here.

**********************

Jono and Taro (My own invention....)

Jono stood looking out of a window in his two-bedroom apartment. It was a beautiful day, clear blue sky and a soft summer breeze. He had rarely seen his town so beautiful. For a fleeting moment, Jono felt the desire to go to the nearest seaside town, feel fresh ocean wind on his face, maybe get up early and buy freshly caught fish. But the happy thought slipped away swiftly. He couldn't maintain such thoughts when he was lonely. His beloved would-be husband, Taro, wasn't home. Taro was on tour with his band, and Jono hadn't heard from him in two weeks. That wasn't like Taro, and it made Jono worried. Couldn't Taro call soon? It was always Taro who called Jono, out of convenience. It was always easier for Jono to drop what he was doing and answer the phone, as he only had to consider himself and what he was doing. For him to call Taro and perhaps interrupt a meeting or something would just be bad. Taro was always busy when on tour. But Jono sent text messages sometimes. Or, rather, Jono sent text messages every evening, to say good night. 

          Jono felt restlessness settle in. He could not just stand by the window doing nothing anymore. The inspiration he had looked for just wasn't there. Work would just have to wait. His editor would go ballistic. Jono went into the living room and turned on the TV. Sitting down in the couch, he flicked through the channels, but nothing seemed to interest him today. He laid down. Jono felt his stomach turn into a worried knot. What if something had happened to Taro? Not knowing was hell, but if something had happened wouldn't all the news stations be reporting on that? Probably. No news are good news, as they say. Jono Fell asleep on the couch as rain clouds started gathering over Hokkaido.

Lead singer and guitarist of the metal Visual Kei band The Hokkaido Scarecrows lay on a couch in a hotel room in Tokyo. Taro was tired beyond belief. This last week of their tour they had kept a tight schedule  but it was over now. Finally. Tomorrow, they were going home to Hokkaido. Home to Jono. Taro longed for Jono so much his heart ached. And the rest of his body too, come to think about it. He was wondering how his beautiful mangaka was doing. If Jono missed him as much as he missed Jono. Taro had received text messages from his lover every evening, but he hadn't had time or energy to answer. Next tour he would make sure their manager didn't book them so goddamn tight. 
          Something heavy landed on Taro's feet. He glared that way. It was Seto, Scarecrows bass player, and Taro's best friend after Jono. 
"That hurts, you know", Taro said, no passion in his voice whatsoever. He was far to tired to work up any kind of energy or emotion. 
           Seto grinned slyly. 
"So don't occupy the whole couch", he said. "Geez, man, I remember when you didn't even occupy a whole single bed."
          Taro and Set had grown up together, they had lived next door to each other since they were two years old, and were like brothers. For two months, when they were 14, they had been boyfriends, and it had happened since that they had slept together. They had been each others first sexual experience, and they had also been each others latest sexual experience. Taro only knew one other  persons body and mind so thoroughly  and that was Jono's.

********************

David, Zen and Nick (Yeah.... three is company....)

David sat in a school desk poring over his paper on medical effects of domestic violence. His interest was mainly the effects on children and young adults, and both short and long term effects. His father worked in the same area, and it only felt natural to do follow in his footsteps. David checked his watch. It was already half past six. He had promised to pick up some groceries on the way home. If he wanted dinner before nine, he had to get going. So he rose, with the feeling he had forgotten something important. 

Very few people can afford an apartment in this neighborhood  But Zen did. He could afford it. Or, rather, his filthy rich boyfriend, lord David Soames, could afford it. If Zen thought to much about how they lived, or who their neighbors were, it was quite hard to piece together his pride afterwards. So he did his best not to think about it, and just enjoyed it instead. Because, after all, what man like him, from a lower-middle class suburb with no real education, could even dream of a place like this? Zen had been  extremely lucky, and he knew it.
          The front door opened and closed. A quiet voice called something Zen couldn't hear, but he knew exactly who is was. Nicholas Veld. Nick didn't live here yet, but Zen and David was working hard at convincing him, but Nick was stubborn. Or rather afraid, though he would never admit it. Neither Zen nor David could say if it was this environment that frightened Nick or something else.
"Hey, babe", said Zen, meeting Nick in the hallway. "What have you done to your arm?"
          Nicks left arm was in a cast. he had managed to break it since last time he was there, four days ago. And he hadn't called to tell them.
"Nothing", said Nick in a barely audible whisper.
          Zens suspiciousness immediately kicked into high gear. This wasn't Nicks first nothing cast or bandage. Besides, Nick seemed dazed, only barely aware, as if he had taken strong pain killers. Zen helped him take of the jacket and then he embrace Nick gently.
"Does it hurt a lot", he asked.
          Nick shook his head slowly. That was Nick code for "If I was anything like a normal person, I would lie curled up in fetal position and scream right now." Zen took  Nick into the living room. The TV was on, showing animal planet. Zen took the pillows from the couch.
"Lie down", he said. "I'll get you some water. Or do you want something hot?"
"No, I'm fine", muttered Nick.
          Zen ignored his lover and decided Nick would have some hot cocoa. While he was in the kitchen the front door opened again and David came in.
"Is Nicky in the living room", he asked, putting the grocery bag on the kitchen table.

********************

Ryu and Ichiro  (This.... is set in a weird, weird universe...... don't ask me to explain....)

"Ohayõ, Ryu-kun!"

          Ryu only heard "good morning", his name got muffled when Ichiro embraced him from behind. Ichiro was always clinging to people, Ryu in particular, and lately he had been extremely clingy. 

"Do you know how to talk to people without clinging to them", asked Ryu grumpily, shrugging to get rid of Ichiro. 

          It worked. Ichiro let go of Ryu and sat down on the wall beside him. Sitting side by side, facing opposite directions, Ichiro looked like he was going back to the school while Ryu was leaving. They were opposites in other aspects as well. Ichiro's hair was dyed platinum blonde and reached below his shoulders. His eyes were gray, he was well-built after more than 10 years of sports and martial arts, he was social and outgoing. Ryu on the other hand had jet black hair cropped short, his eyes were dark brown, almost black. He was thin on the verge of skinny. Ryu was very much a loner, he often got angry if people got to close. Or at least he had been, last term. Ryu had transferred to Yokohama's Enchant Academy after last winter's holidays ten months ago. Ichiro had caught sight of him, watched him for a while, then decided. Ryu was the one he wanted. He had decided to treat Ryu's attitude as a facade. It was a shell, and shells could crack. Ichiro had worked hard ever since February. He pulled Ryu into his little group of friends, made sure Ryu wasn't alone all the time. At first, Ryu had tried his best to make Ichiro leave him alone, but Ichiro was persistent  He had managed to wear Ryu's defenses down, and now, ten months after Ryu's transfer, they were friends. Ryu even liked it when Ichiro clung to him, but he would never admit that.
          October wind grabbed their hair, made Ichiro's blonde curls move. They sat like that, side by side, facing opposite directions for a few minutes.
"Suki", said Ichiro suddely.
          Ryu sighed. He could be friends with Ichiro, he could let Ichiro drag him along to the movies or city events with the rest of his friends, he could even let Ichiro cling to him, but he couldn't let Ichiro love him.
"So you keep telling me", he muttered.
"Every day", nodded Ichiro. "Hoping that one day you might get it. I mean it."
          Ryu sighed again, from the bottom of his heart. He wasn't feeling well, why did Ichiro have to go and say things like that today, when he was already so weak? Ryu felt his defenses break entirely. He lened slowly on Ichiro.
"I love you, too", he whispered.
          Ichiro felt so happy he could shout. He was one of those who might actully do that, for real. But he wasn't insensitive, he knew full well that Ryu didn't appreciate that sort of things. He alså realized Ryu wasn't feeling well. He seemed tired and lonely. So instead he just slipped an arm around Ryu's waist.
           Ryu closed his eyes. What am I doing, he thought. Where are my defeses, my composure? Didn't I promise myself not to fall in love? Didn't I say it would just hurt? Hurt me, hurt whoever I fall in love with. So why do I fell safe for the first time in a whole year? Why do I feel like everything's going to be all right? 

********************

Gabriel Hawke and Anders (Yes.... Dragon Age 2.....) (Here be male on male sex..... if you cant take it, skip it)

Gabriel Hawke sat staring into a campfire. Their last for a long while, or so he hoped. He hoped their long journey would come to an end tomorrow, they had seen their destination from a hilltop a few hours ago. The Grey Wardens in Baldur's Gate had said that wen you first saw the White City from a hilltop, it was only a full day's march left in clear weather, two if it rained. 

          Gabriel felt said and tired and a tiny bit frustrated. His hunger had been stilled, his thirst quenched, now he wanted to rest in his lovers arms. Time was so precious, and he could feel his own time slip away. His lover, Anders, sat down beside him. He had been away fetching water. While by the brook, Anders had had a moment of clear thinking. He had realized that Gabriel needed some attention. Since they left Baldur's Gate they had both been so intent on the purpose of their journey, the help Anders, that they both seemed to have forgotten Gabriels well-being.
"I should make you some tea", said Anders quietly. "You look a bit cold."
"I don't want tea", said Gabriel and took Anders hand. "I want something much different tonight."
          Anders smiled.
"We could stay outside if you wish", he said. "It's clear and warm."
          Gabriel shook his head.
"Sorry, but I want a roof over my head. Even if it is just a tent."
"As you wish", said Anders. "Your word is law, as always. But are you certain we should make love?"
"You read me like an open book", smiled Gabriel. "And yes, we should."
          Gabriel rose and Anders followed. They went into their tent. To Gabriel, their blankets looked very inviting. He sat down. Anders sat down opposite to him. They undressed each other in silence. Gabriel felt Anders' warm, smooth skin under his fingers, felt his muscles tense with anticipated pleasure. Anders caressed Gabriels chest, let his hands run up over his shoulders. He pulled Gabriel gently into his arms.
"Your'e trembling", he said. "Afraid?"
           Gabriel smiled and let his left hand caress Anders' right thigh.
"What am I", he asked. "A 16-year-old virgin?"
"No", admitted Anders. "But you never seem to get used to this."
          Gabriel kissed Anders' chest.
"Maybe I'm just tired", he said. "Or maybe I'm just exited."
"Let's hope for that last thing."
           Gabriel nodded.He was still not sure what he wanted most, sex or sleep, but he knew this couldn't be stopped now. Anders leaned down and kissed Gabriel's hair. Gabriel looked up. Anders took the chance as it presented itself, and kissed Gabriel on the lips, long and deep. Gently, he pushed Gabriel down on his back. Not the easiest way for to men to make love, but the absolutely most intimate. For a long while, they just lay like that, kissing, until Gabriel whispered:
"I'm cold."
          Anders grabbed one of the blankets and pulled it around them.
"I hope you are ready, love", he said. "Because I can't wait a moment longer."
          Gabriel nodded. He was ready for anything.
          A soft moan escaped Gabriel. Anders hadn't been kidding. He thrust deep and hard into Gabriel. Gabriel closed his eyes, lost himself to Anders' strength, to their love, to their lust.  He could fell Anders' warm skin as he caressed his arms, his shoulders, his back, could feel Anders' hot breath on his neck, on his face, mingling with his own in eager kisses. Could feel Anders' hands touching him, touching him.....
          At first. Gabriel didn't even notice, so lost was he in their hunger that he found it only natural, nothing strange. Then, he thought perhaps it was an effect of their climax, an odd one. But as he felt himself weakening, he realized something was wrong. He opened his eyes, and instead of meeting Anders' warm, loving brown eyes, he saw the blazing blue of Justice's. Justice had again taken over and he was now trying to strangle Gabriel. He was succeeding. Gabriel couldn't breathe. His body, which had only moments ago been trembling with pleasure was now trembling with fear and agony.
"Anders", he croaked.
"Anders is not here", said Justice hoarsely. "You are a distraction. I can't let you live."
"Let go of me", whispered Gabriel. He wanted to shout.
          Justice's grip around Gabriel's throat tightened.
"I can't", said Justice. "I and Anders need to go back to Ferelden. We need to right the wrongs done to mages there. I can't let you live."
          Gabriels head was swimming, he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe. Tears welled up in his eyes as he realized he would die now, by Justice's hand. He would never see Anders' brown reassuring eyes again, never hear his voice. The desire to tell Anders one more thing rose in him. With his last strength, he said:
"Anders, I love you."
          Then, everything went black. How long he was unconscious he couldn't tell, but when he woke up, Anders lay beside him, still gasping for breath. Their eyes met. Anders' eyes was again that warm brown.
"Did I hurt you", asked Anders quietly.
          Gabriel shook his head. Anders took his hand and massaged it gently.
"Liar", he said.
          Gabriel twisted around, rested his head on Anders chest. He was feeling really dizzy.
"Don't let me fall asleep yet", he muttered. "I think I'll never wake up again if I do.
          Anders lay his right arm around Gabriel, and took Gabriel's right hand, that lay on his chest, with his left.
"I'll make sure you wake up", he said. "I'm sorry I hurt you. Go to sleep."
"You didn't hurt me. I was Justice. But yes, I'll go to sleep. I trust you to take care of me."
           Anders couldn't help but wonder if that trust wasn't extremely misplaced.